Sounds almost like a movie, doesn't it? We've seen versions of it in “Juno,” the story of a pregnant teen searching for quality adoptive parents, and on the CW's Gossip Girl, where a leading female character had a pregnancy scare. In real life, Jamie-Lynn Spears, 16-year-old sister of Britney and star of Nickelodeon's Zoey 101, announced that she was pregnant in December 2007. Needless to say, teen pregnancy is on our minds.

And it should be. The United States has the highest rates of teen pregnancies and births of all developed countries. Though these numbers had been on the decline over the last 15 years, for the first time since 1991, teen births in the United States are on the rise again. The National Center for Health Statistics released birth data for 2006, which found a 3% increase in teen births (from 40.5 births/1000 females in 2005 to 41.9 births per 1000 females in 2006). Teen mothers are less likely to finish school, more likely to be single parents, and fall into poverty. In addition, babies born to teen mothers are more likely to have low birth weight and other health-related complications, and babies born to teen parents are more likely to be teen parents themselves. Teen pregnancies cost taxpayers-take a big breath-$9.1 billion each year.

Zina's decision is a common one for pregnant teens. In the backlash of feminism, and with the extreme ambivalence in our country toward abortion, more young women are keeping babies they didn't intentionally conceive. For teens who do not terminate, only 2% give their babies up for adoption. But Zina says that she wouldn't do anything differently. “These babies are a lifesaver in disguise,” she says.

Zina's mother, Catherine, does not feel the same way. “We were shocked to find out that Zina was pregnant. We expected her to know better and we definitely expected that she would terminate. Zina is ruining her life. We will not support her on this.” Zina has since left her parents' home and is living with friends.

Why Is Teen Pregnancy an Issue?

Bill Albert, Deputy Director of The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, says that we have had 15 years of good news, and now, we've become complacent: teen sex rates have decreased, teen contraceptive use has increased, teen abortion rates have decreased, and until now, teen birth rates had decreased. Without a crisis, we had forgotten that there was a need to be proactive. We need to continue to put our financial resources towards prevention.

It would be remiss of us not to consider the role that abstinence-only education plays in teen pregnancy, too. Evidence has proven that abstinence-only programs are ineffective even though over $1.5 billion has been funneled into them over the last decade. Abstinence-only education fails our children because it does not prepare them for a time when they will make a decision to have sex. Though abstinence is certainly the best option for many teens, it is unlikely that all teens will abstain from sex indefinitely.

In addition to misinformation or the lack of information presented in these educational interventions, ’What appears to be on the rise is teens keeping their babies/continuing their pregnancies,” says Elizabeth Casparian, Director of Educational Programs for HiTops. “There continues to be a huge stigma attached to pregnancy termination and a great deal more attention paid to adoption and being a teen mother.”

Another Scenario: Teens Raising Children

But while teen pregnancies are far from ideal situations, there is no rule that teen mothers are incapable of raising happy and healthy children.

Annie is now 20 years old, living in Seattle, with her two-year-old son. Upon finding out she was pregnant, she says that she wanted to influence someone's life for the better. Annie's parents were surprised, angry, but eventually supportive. Annie's mom, Sandy, says, “I didn't want her to have this baby. I wanted her to make another decision. But she wasn't going to change her mind and I wasn't willing to lose her or my beautiful grandson.”

Annie acknowledges that it was tough: “I didn't realize what I was giving up, how much harder it would be to go back to school, what the relationship with my boyfriend would turn into. I have always thrived on whatever is the most difficult. I think that, subconsciously, maybe I set myself up for this because I just had to take the hardest route so that I could have the greatest success in the end.”

Sexual Responsibility Is a Family Matter

But this issue isn't just about teen mothers making choices; the role of the boys in teen pregnancy is often belittled or ignored. According to Casparian, “We do not help young men deal with their feelings of helplessness, anger, fear, sadness, confusion about discovering that their partner is pregnant, that they are going to be a father, or that a pregnancy they helped start is being terminated.” Boys are rarely made to feel equally responsible for preventing a pregnancy.

But there's really no way to start piecing out what portion of responsibility goes to the boy or girl before we take a step back. To parents.

Parents need to make the leap from “I don't want my kids to have sex in high school” (or “until marriage”) to “I want to be sure my kids are not going to get pregnant-or contract an STD-if they are having sex.”

Try starting off by accepting the fact that your teens (or tweens) may already be in a sexual relationship. After you've crossed that hurdle, ask your kids the question, “In a relationship, who is responsible for protection?” This presents parents with an opportunity to talk about healthy relationships and healthy choices. In a perfect world, two partners share the responsibility of protection; however, oftentimes the burden of being protected falls upon girls' shoulders, as they are the ones who risk getting pregnant. Granted, this is hardly a fair portrayal of relationships, but teens frequently buy into these unequal representations because they are not taught how to challenge them. This is where parents can step in and change how teenagers look at responsibility.

Parents Need to Get Involved

There has never been a better time to start talking to your children and teenagers about how they should manage sexual relationships, now or in the future. According to a nationally representative study conducted by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy in 2006, 47% of adolescents say that parents are the primary influencers of their decisions about sex. There is no doubt that a close relationship with your teen contributes to a delay in sexual initiation and a lack of engagement in risky behaviors.

It has also been found that when parents talk to their teenagers about the importance of condoms, teens are 20 times more likely to use condoms regularly and three times more likely to use one the first time that they have intercourse. That “first time experience” with condoms builds the foundation for future regular condom usage. Your younger children and tweens know about condoms too.

If it's too difficult for you to keep condoms around the house, how about directing your teens of both sexes to Planned Parenthood [www.plannedparenthood.org], where they can get contraceptive information and girls can get gynecological exams without parental consent in many states. What about taking your daughter for a gyn visit at an early-enough age, i.e., before she is sexually active, so that discussion of contraception becomes meaningful?

In the end, parents need to know that they shape their children's values and decisions with respect to sex, so now is the time to start talking to them. We have an opportunity to help our teens through this process and through whatever decision that they make-be it abortion, adoption, or parenthood.

If Your Child Tells You She Is Pregnant

* Take a deep breath. Try not to be immediately angry or despairing. Your child needs support and information. Listen to what she has to say.
* Encourage your daughter to see a doctor, family planning clinician, or counselor right away. In addition to confirming the pregnancy, these sources can help your daughter to explore all of her options.
* Arm yourself with information. Get the 411 on all of the options and laws that relate to pregnancy, abortion, adoption, and parental rights. Your child is going to have to know about them.
* You will have many feelings about this, so get outside help. You may want to see a counselor or therapist, too!

Making the Most of Your Parental Influence

* Stay close with your kids and talk to them about your values.
* Ask questions to find out how they feel about responsibility and how they define a healthy relationship.
* Make sure they have all the facts-that they understand how pregnancy can occur, and that they have alternatives to abstinence should they decide to become sexually active.
* Go see “Juno” (or “Waitress” or “Knocked Up”) with your children. Ask them how they would feel if a friend became pregnant.
* Listen to your teens. Sometimes we don't give them enough credit. They have a lot to teach us.

Additional resources:

Web sites and Organizations

Medline Plus: Teen Pregnancy
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/teenagepregnancy.html

Advocates for Youth
http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/

The Birds and Bees Project
http://www.birdsandbees.org/

Guttmacher Institute
Research, statistics, education, and reports about sexuality and reproductive health
http://www.guttmacher.org/

HiTops
http://www.hitops.org/

National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy
http://aspe.hhs.gov/hsp/get-organized99/index.htm

Planned Parenthood Federation of America
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

Books

The Unplanned Pregnancy Book for Teens and College Students,
by Dorrie Williams-Wheeler, Sparkledoll Productions.
http://www.amazon.com/Unplanned-Pregnancy-Teens-College-Students/dp/0974783234/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1197570624&sr=1-1

Pregnancy Information for Teens: Health Tips About Teen Pregnancy and Teen Parenting (Teen Health),
by Sandra Augustyn Lawton, Omnigraphics.
http://www.amazon.com/Pregnancy-Information-Teens-Health-Parenting/dp/078080984X/ref=sr_1_13?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1197570918&sr=1-13

Your Pregnancy and Newborn Journey (Teen Pregnancy and Parenting series),
by Jeanne Warren Lindsay and Jean Brunelli, Morning Glory Press
http://www.amazon.com/Your-Pregnancy-Newborn-Journey-Parenting/dp/1932538003/ref=pd_bbs_sr_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1197570421&sr=1-3

From the Expert The Expert: Roni Cohen-Sandler, Ph.D.

Roni Cohen-Sandler is a clinical psychologist in private practice specializing in parenting; the issues of women and adolescent girls, mother-daughter relationships; and neuropsychological assessments (e.g., for learning difficulties, attention disorders, etc.).

What are some questions a teenager should ask herself to determine whether or not she is ready to enter a sexual relationship?

Girls who are questioning whether it is right for them to engage in a sexual relationship should congratulate themselves for taking the first, most important step: making a conscious, well-thought out decision rather than having sex for the first time in an unplanned, spontaneous manner.

Because a first sexual experience can strongly influence a girl's feelings about herself, her partner, and future relationships, it behooves her to determine whether or not she is ready. Some issues she should consider are:
* Is she feeling pressured by her partner?
* Does she think that having sex is a way to get or to keep a boyfriend?
* Is she hoping that becoming sexually active will make her more popular?
* Is she feeling left out among more sexually experienced friends?
* Does she want to 'get it over with' to figure out what the hype is about?
* Is she in a trusting, mutually respectful relationship?
* Does she experience emotional intimacy with her partner?
* Can they discuss openly sexual issues, including protection from pregnancy and sexually transmitted disorders?
* How will she feel if she has sex and the relationship ends?

What are the tools a parent can give their teen to help them make the right choices regarding sex?

The most important tool parents can give their children is themselves: developing close, trusting relationships that encourage honest discussion. Despite myths to the contrary, parents are their teens' number one influence, more powerful than their peers. Yet studies show that many teens are unsure how their parents feel about sex. That is why parents must first be clear in their own minds about their attitudes and values, and then convey these principles to their teens. Parents can educate their daughters about the powerful effects of hormones on sexual desire. Girls should know that sexual urges are normal and okay, but should only be acted upon when it is appropriate. Parents must be able to spell out their expectations: for example, at what age and under what conditions they would like their daughters to enter sexual relationships. All parental interactions with teens should empower girls to value themselves, protect their bodies, and make conscious, healthy choices. Girls should be taught that a sexual partner should know and respect them before being granted the privilege of knowing their bodies. Sex should be a two-way street; a girl should expect her partner to care about her pleasure, too, rather than simply expecting to receive pleasure from her. Parents should discuss facts about STDs and pregnancy, dispelling any myths girls might have. Since the majority of girls have sex for the first time in their own or their partners' homes, parents should be aware that supervision is crucial. Providing guidelines such as dating boys no more than two years older than herself also reduces the possibility of a girl feeling pressured to have sex prematurely. Above all, no matter what their decisions about sexual relationships girls should feel they can come to their parents for help in keeping themselves safe.

Are there resources available to teenagers struggling with this decision?

For more information, teens and their parents might try:
Stay Teen at: www.stayteen.org
Teen Pregnancy at: www.teenpregnancy.org or
or the new book, The Talk, by Sharon Maxwell, Ph.D., to be published in April 2008 by Avery/Penguin, New York.

Additional resources:

MedicineNet.com
Sex Education programs delay Teen Sex
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=85986

WebMD.com
How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex
http://www.webmd.com/parenting/news/20080116/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-sex

WebMD.com
Teen Pregnancy Prevention Program
http://www.webmd.com/video/teen-pregnancy-prevention